First day of the rest of my life...

I am not sure how I got to this point...don't kid yourself, of course I know!  I got to this point by eating everything in sight!  Christmas 2010 has just passed and over a course of a week, I consumed four boxes of chocolates, two turkey dinners, fresh from the oven buns (I lost count of those), turkey leftovers, one dozen chocolate peanut butter cups made by a good friend, and so much more that I can't even remember!!  This is nothing new for me - I have been stuffing my face for as long as I can remember! 

I have this knack of thinking that I actually look okay though even after putting on another ten pounds...it's like being a fat anorexic...what you see in the mirror is completely different than what everyone else sees!  I relized it last night after I went to the gym (yay for me) for the second times in months!!  I went to a department store to try on some winter jackets and had two things happen to me:

1. I had the chance to see myself in a full length mirror...in my workout gear!!

2. I had to try on jackets that were far bigger in size than I have ever had to before!

Reality set in at that point...I am FAT!!  I left that department store last night and sat in my truck thinking about how depressing it is that I couldn't even fit into the XL jackets and how I must, must, must do something about this issue.  I made the very concious decision that I would then eat all twelve of the chocolate peanut butter cups my friend had just given me...how sick is that?

That was 15 hours ago...that was yesterday...that was the past...this is the present, the future, my life.

From this point forward I will only get smaller and I will not buy that new winter jacket until I can fit into a much smaller size!  I have 40 pounds to lose...that will take me to what I was when I got married, when I only had one child, not the four I have now, when I could fit into a size 12 pant, when my boobs were a C cup...that will take me to where I want to be.

I look forward to this journey in my life - to saying good-bye to 40 pounds!

SJ