So you may or may not have seen the post that was here as of yesterday (titled "Back in the saddle)...but you weren't supposed to see it - at least not yet! My daughter started telling me that she was reading it and I very quickly deleted the post because it was not yet finished...and now I wish I had copied it somewhere so I could now finish it, but I deleted it. The reason I was so quick to delete it was because I hate having people see things of mine that are only half done; I have never liked letting someone see any kind of project until it is completed because I don't feel that is is quite "good enough" until I have done. This stems from the very low confidence I have always had - which explains oh so many things in my lifetime! I might appear confident on the outside - or perhaps people can see right through me - but let me tell you right now that I don't have a lot of it!! I am sure it stems from something in my life - maybe the fact that I am a middle child; maybe the fact that I struggled oh so badly in school; maybe the fact that my grade two teacher was so horrible to me, due to my struggling (I would say that was a big factor); maybe because I have two sisters who are so darn skinny and beautiful; maybe I was just born with it. Whatever the reason, it is who I am and I try very hard to overcome it, but it is difficult.
I admire people who have a lot of confidence - or at least seem like they do. I wish I could be more like them. I am sure we all suffer from low confidence sometimes, and in fact as I am thinking about it now, I wonder if those who seem like they have so much confidence might just be the ones with the lowest? Perhaps I am right where I need to be.
SJ
P.S. I will get back in the saddle again and try to re-write that last blog post.
