So you may or may not have seen the post that was here as of yesterday (titled "Back in the saddle)...but you weren't supposed to see it - at least not yet! My daughter started telling me that she was reading it and I very quickly deleted the post because it was not yet finished...and now I wish I had copied it somewhere so I could now finish it, but I deleted it. The reason I was so quick to delete it was because I hate having people see things of mine that are only half done; I have never liked letting someone see any kind of project until it is completed because I don't feel that is is quite "good enough" until I have done. This stems from the very low confidence I have always had - which explains oh so many things in my lifetime! I might appear confident on the outside - or perhaps people can see right through me - but let me tell you right now that I don't have a lot of it!! I am sure it stems from something in my life - maybe the fact that I am a middle child; maybe the fact that I struggled oh so badly in school; maybe the fact that my grade two teacher was so horrible to me, due to my struggling (I would say that was a big factor); maybe because I have two sisters who are so darn skinny and beautiful; maybe I was just born with it. Whatever the reason, it is who I am and I try very hard to overcome it, but it is difficult.
I admire people who have a lot of confidence - or at least seem like they do. I wish I could be more like them. I am sure we all suffer from low confidence sometimes, and in fact as I am thinking about it now, I wonder if those who seem like they have so much confidence might just be the ones with the lowest? Perhaps I am right where I need to be.
SJ
P.S. I will get back in the saddle again and try to re-write that last blog post.
You could try doing your writing onto a word document and then just copy and past into the blog - that way, you would not "lose" it.
ReplyDeleteI read that post a few days ago...I should have made a comment and then you would have known before yesterday.
BTW..Confidence is just a facade, an act. We all feel just like you do, scared that we are going to be outed for the fools that we feel we really are. If you can appear confident (which you most definitely do) THAT is the meaning of the word. IMO. I would bet that if you asked the most confident appearing person if they really felt confident inside, their answers would surprise you.
Looking forward to re-reading the Back in the Saddle post.
Oh Sara, I only know you from afar, but what I do know of you I find most admirable, - your roles as mother and as granddaughter are certainly praiseworthy, and if you lack in confidence, it doesn't show or affect the very giving life you lead....looking forward to reading your blogs again!
ReplyDeleteGreat Aunt Hildred